The reality of adoption

There are two faces to adoption: public and private. Some relatives remain secret, hidden forever, the separated players remaining apart and unknown. Some people struggle with the decision to search, when they do they may be elated or dejected. The story of the birth mother and father is often not heard, somehow their voice can be forgotten in the hubbub of reunion. Some lucky people do have a happy ending. The path is always painful.adoptionAdoption can be the making of some people, it can save lives, give a new chance, solve problems and bring happiness to abandoned children and childless couples, a new start to the birth parents who for their own reasons made that agonizing decision. British television is full of programmes about adoption reunion and family history. It started with the BBC trailblazer Who Do You Think You Are?, now a global phenomenon and still going strong. ITV got in on the act with Long Lost Family and now co-presenter Nicky Campbell is hosting a new series concentrating on the behind-the-scenes process of adoption today, Wanted: A Family of My Own. Nicky Campbell’s own memoir, Blue-Eyed Son, was an important part of my reading.


[photo: Long Lost Family]

“Finding someone, when the trail has gone cold, can seem like an impossible task.” Davina McCall, ‘Long Lost Family’

How it feels to a) be a birth parent who has, for whatever reason, to give a child up for adoption, b) that child, given to another set of parents, or c) the adoptive parents who take a child not their own into their lives, cannot by fully understood except the people who experience it. As a writer I tried to put myself into their shoes by research, I read memoirs of people involved in every aspect of adoption, asked questions, researched over years, but I know I can never really get under the skin. So I researched as far as I could, and then I used my imagination.

The wealth of support available now is rich for all people involved in the adoption process. My stories, in Ignoring Gravity and its sequel Connectedness, involve adoptions contracted long ago when the system was not as transparent nor as helpful as today, when the overwhelming urge was for secrecy to protect identities and emotions. So it is in the past that Rose Haldane must search for the true adoption stories, where the trail has gone cold, records lost, the will to continue searching has eroded but the need to know is still there. Rose Haldane, identity detective, finds the answers most difficult to uncover. But that is just fiction.

Adoption is a reality for many people today, wanting to find their own roots in family history. If you are considering searching for a relative lost through adoption, and the adoption pre-dates 2005, the Adoption Search Reunion website may be able to help. It provides information for adopted people, birth relatives and also adoptive parents in England and Wales as well as for adoption professionals. The information available applies only to adoptions made before December 30, 2005. There are separate sections for adopted people, birth relatives and adoptive parents. It includes advice on contacting relatives, how to search, where to find local records.

For more about the original BBC series Who Do You Think You Are? plus links to an amazing depth of information about family history throughout the BBC archives, click here.
To watch an episode of Long Lost Family via ITV Player, click here. Laurence Peat tried to find his mother, but information on his adoption file led nowhere. Denise Temple is desperate to find the daughter she was forced to give up for adoption.
To watch Wanted: A Family of My Own via ITV Player, click here.
For my review of Nicky Campbell’s book Blue-Eyed Son, about the search for his birth parents, click here.
For the Adoption Search Reunion website, click here.
Read what readers are saying about Ignoring Gravity.



‘Ignoring Gravity’ by Sandra Danby [UK: Beulah Press] Buy now

And if you’d like to tweet a link to THIS post, here’s my suggested tweet:
IGNORING GRAVITY #adoption via @SandraDanby


  1. I’m a big genealogy buff, and after I took one of the genealogy DNA tests available, I’ve been connected with several distant and not so distant cousins. Recently a lady contacted me because test results show that we’re fairly close cousins, and she was adopted and trying to find her birth parents. She had the name her birth mother gave for the adoption records, but it appears to be an alias. Sill, I worked to narrow down just where her birth parent might have come from and was able to give her suggestions as to where she might look next. Learning about my own heritage and my ancestors has been very rewarding for me, and I feel for those who were adopted and are now struggling to trace their own biological ancestry.

    • Yes, I think if you’re not adopted it’s too easy to dismiss the ‘lost feeling’ adopted people experience. Your story is fascinating! SD

  2. Adoption is an often tabooed topic – despite the TV shows. Your stories are a valuable step in the direction of finally breaking the taboo. The written word is mightier than any TV show.

    • Yes, I found during my research that there’s a lot written by adopted children searching for birth parents but very little by the birth parents. The taboos still remain, unfortunately. SD


  1. […] also written about that on your blog. Here’s a link to a blog post you wrote titled ‘The Reality of Adoption.‘ I think readers will find that post very […]